Julia Mabel

One year ago today I set out on a life changing course. I became the mother to a wonderful, beautiful daughter. Our first months together were rocky, actually, that might be an understatement. I had no clue how to feed, clean, change or care for this tiny life that expected everything from me. Then there was the crying. Endless crying. I mean, I can't totally blame a person for being upset when they have gas, especially when they have never actually used their internal organs. But still, crying babies aren't fun. I don't care who you are, they just aren't. It's a proven fact. And to top that off, if you've read any post on my blog you are all too familiar with our anti-sleep rules. Technically, they aren't Jonathan and mine's, but Julia's. So, roll together complete ignorance, complete dependance, raging hormones and emotions and you will get a new mother.

I can remember thinking that everyone around me seemed to "get it". All the other moms seemed to have their lives together, knowing beyond a doubt what each cry meant, what each grunt would or would not lead to. I felt like I had stepped into a final totally unprepared, with a sense of utter failure.

But God is good. Oh so good.

One year has past. I will never say that I am a perfect mom, but I will say that I am the best mom for Julia. I can read her almost better than I can myself. I know when she is tired, hungry, angry, happy, or frustrated. I understand her "signs" for more, food, and all done. I know that certain situations will delight her, while others upset her past consolation. I have become her mom.

Through this past year, learning who Julia is has not been my biggest feat. More than that, has been learning who God is through me. I am continually humbled and amazed at who God is, who He has called me to be, and how that relationship reflects on my parenting.

I always thought it silly when people said that God wants to be in control of every area of your life, every area of your parenting. But I have come to learn that it is so true. I can tell when I am in control and when the Holy Spirit is in control. I know the difference between Sarah-led Parenting and God-led Parenting. And in those moments I realize that there is no way I can make it without God. There is no way that I can produce a kingdom building, God loving, selfless daughter unless I am that way. And I can't be that way unless I center absolutely everything on Christ. Funny how that circle works.

My life is blessed. My daughter is a blessing beyond what I could imagine. She has been a true delight this past year and I am looking forward to many, many more.

In celebration today, we will be having poppyseed chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and chocolate cake. This is my birthday dinner each year and I am passing it along to Julia. :)