New Blog

I did it. I caved and went over to WordPress.com.

Here's my new blog address: http://lovedlikethechurch.wordpress.com/

To go directly there - A wife loved like the church

Let's face it, I'm a bull

Once my mother told me that it would take a team of wild horses to change my mind when I was convinced of something. Later in life, Jonathan told me that I'm like a battering ram that just keeps hitting the wall until it falls. I'd have to say, both these statements are pretty accurate. I'm stubborn. I'm bull headed. And the only thing that really keeps me from plowing my way through life (leaving behind helpless victims) is the grace of God.

As of Wednesday/Thursday we decided that we're not finding out whether we're having a boy or a girl.

Can I just say that this is no small issue for me? In my mind, I figured that I could (and would) plow my way through this issue just like I have done many times in the past. My way or the highway. Geez, don't you feel bad for my husband? Out of all the women in the world, he winds up with a stubborn mule. Anyways, at women's prayer on Wednesday I was convicted that I needed to really surrender over my will on the "gender issue" to Jonathan. As an act of obedience to the Lord, I told Jonathan that ultimately my heart's desire was/is to follow him more than to find out the sex of our baby. *Honesty time: What I really meant was "I want to follow after you but still get my way. I'm saying these things because I mean them, but we're still going to find out. Right?"*

God makes me laugh. Because He created me, He knows me inside and out. Ok, Sarah's will is bending, but her heart still isn't one hundred percent. How can I, the creator of Heaven and Earth, ensure that not only do I have my daughter's will, but her heart? Oh, right, I'll just not let her have an ultrasound.

Say what?!

As I am slowing my battering ram down (so that the wall doesn't fall at such a rate that my husband would really notice until after it came down) God reinforces the wall. It turns out that our insurance won't cover our ultrasound. Which means, that if we want to have one, we have to pay out of pocket (which will be over $500). Now, there are some side stories - if my midwife thinks that we still need one we can have one (that is covered) but rather than calling it "routine" it will need to be "medical". However, one of the nurses I spoke to yesterday said that the likelihood of us having one is small, since we've delivered one healthy child, had an ultrasound with this baby, and so far the pregnancy has been smooth.

And of course through all of this I am a calm and collected Christian. Hahaha! I make myself laugh. I'm a bull, remember. I get this news and call every single resource I know of in order to help me take down this wall. I mean, come on, now it's not about the "gender issue" it's about the safety of my child. After all, you can't possibly deliver a healthy child without an ultrasound. The midwife might miss something. I might miss something. The ultrasound is the only way to determine the outcome of my baby.

Or not.

I spent most of Thursday in a bad mood. I won't lie. I was a slight pain in the butt. Perhaps I went from battering ram to one of those oxen they use in running of the bulls - horns out to get anyone. All the same, it took a good 24 hours before I realized that the wall wasn't moving. And that God was still good.

I called my sweet sister-in-law to tell her this most disastrous news. Her response: "Sarah, praise God! Your heart's desire was to follow your husband, and now He made it possible to do so without any temptation or unnecessary debt." Riiight... Not exactly what I was going for, but hey if what she said was what God needed for me to hear in order to get through my bull head, it worked. I started to realize that God is giving me a way out. All the time I knew that I wanted and needed to follow after Jonathan, but in the back of my mind had plans to still find out the gender. I was going to knowingly sin. I was going to knowingly disrespect Jonathan. Wow! Am I a lovely person or what?! Rather than go through all of that, God simply said "No." And I am pretty okay with that. He knows what He is doing. He knows what is best for my life, my child's life, my family. Who better to put my trust in then the Almighty?

"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Psalm 39:7

Truthful Thursday - Job 37

"We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty; but even though he is just and righteous, he does not destroy us. No wonder people everywhere fear him. All who are wise show him reverence." Job 37:23-24

On to number two!

I think it's funny how little you meditate on, dream about, and talk about pregnancies after your first. I think it has a lot to do with the newness not being the same, or the fact that you (or at least me) seem to be way to tired and busy to stop and really enjoy being pregnant. Ok, ok, I admitted it. I am one of those crazy ladies who actually enjoys being pregnant. Sure, the sickness isn't all that great, but all the same, there is a tender wonder in having a child growing inside you and I just love it.

At any rate, we've scheduled our ultrasound for the 29th. We naturally wanted to find out with Julia whether we were having a boy or girl. We thought it only natural so we could plan and choose names, etc. However, this time around Jonathan is wanting to wait. He has good reasons why (babe - you can post them in the comments if you want), but again I want to know. I feel like with Julia, it allowed me to form an attachment with her. We called her by her name, I sang her her song (Julia by The Beatles), and daydreamed about what it was going to be like to have a daughter.

What do you think? Should we find out? I set up a poll on the left hand side of the blog so you can give your opinion. Also, even if you think we should or shouldn't find out, what would you do (or have done)? Did you like (or would you like) knowing or not knowing?

Happy New Year

And all that jazz.

We just got home from Faithwalkers and visiting with our family. It was awesome, but I still need more time to process everything I learned before I send out my thoughts into the blogging world.

On the trip home, Jonathan, Fletcher and I had a long conversation about New Year's resolutions. Good, bad or just plain silly?

I tend to make (and actually keep!) one resolution each year. It tends to be something I have wanted to do but need a good starting point and visible finish.

Here are a few of my past resolutions:

- give up chocolate (did it, but boy was it hard!)

- give up fast food (McDonald's, Wendy's BK, Taco Bell and a handful of others)

- read through the Bible (started off strong, but when I got preggo with Julia is was all I could do to function that reading more than a few verses at a time was nearly impossible)

Does anyone else start (and get pretty close to finishing) new resolutions?

I've got my resolution for this year - journalling. Doesn't sound like a lot, but I haven't done a very good job with it and know that I really need to have in my life. This weekend I'm buying a journal and getting started.