Let's face it, I'm a bull

Once my mother told me that it would take a team of wild horses to change my mind when I was convinced of something. Later in life, Jonathan told me that I'm like a battering ram that just keeps hitting the wall until it falls. I'd have to say, both these statements are pretty accurate. I'm stubborn. I'm bull headed. And the only thing that really keeps me from plowing my way through life (leaving behind helpless victims) is the grace of God.

As of Wednesday/Thursday we decided that we're not finding out whether we're having a boy or a girl.

Can I just say that this is no small issue for me? In my mind, I figured that I could (and would) plow my way through this issue just like I have done many times in the past. My way or the highway. Geez, don't you feel bad for my husband? Out of all the women in the world, he winds up with a stubborn mule. Anyways, at women's prayer on Wednesday I was convicted that I needed to really surrender over my will on the "gender issue" to Jonathan. As an act of obedience to the Lord, I told Jonathan that ultimately my heart's desire was/is to follow him more than to find out the sex of our baby. *Honesty time: What I really meant was "I want to follow after you but still get my way. I'm saying these things because I mean them, but we're still going to find out. Right?"*

God makes me laugh. Because He created me, He knows me inside and out. Ok, Sarah's will is bending, but her heart still isn't one hundred percent. How can I, the creator of Heaven and Earth, ensure that not only do I have my daughter's will, but her heart? Oh, right, I'll just not let her have an ultrasound.

Say what?!

As I am slowing my battering ram down (so that the wall doesn't fall at such a rate that my husband would really notice until after it came down) God reinforces the wall. It turns out that our insurance won't cover our ultrasound. Which means, that if we want to have one, we have to pay out of pocket (which will be over $500). Now, there are some side stories - if my midwife thinks that we still need one we can have one (that is covered) but rather than calling it "routine" it will need to be "medical". However, one of the nurses I spoke to yesterday said that the likelihood of us having one is small, since we've delivered one healthy child, had an ultrasound with this baby, and so far the pregnancy has been smooth.

And of course through all of this I am a calm and collected Christian. Hahaha! I make myself laugh. I'm a bull, remember. I get this news and call every single resource I know of in order to help me take down this wall. I mean, come on, now it's not about the "gender issue" it's about the safety of my child. After all, you can't possibly deliver a healthy child without an ultrasound. The midwife might miss something. I might miss something. The ultrasound is the only way to determine the outcome of my baby.

Or not.

I spent most of Thursday in a bad mood. I won't lie. I was a slight pain in the butt. Perhaps I went from battering ram to one of those oxen they use in running of the bulls - horns out to get anyone. All the same, it took a good 24 hours before I realized that the wall wasn't moving. And that God was still good.

I called my sweet sister-in-law to tell her this most disastrous news. Her response: "Sarah, praise God! Your heart's desire was to follow your husband, and now He made it possible to do so without any temptation or unnecessary debt." Riiight... Not exactly what I was going for, but hey if what she said was what God needed for me to hear in order to get through my bull head, it worked. I started to realize that God is giving me a way out. All the time I knew that I wanted and needed to follow after Jonathan, but in the back of my mind had plans to still find out the gender. I was going to knowingly sin. I was going to knowingly disrespect Jonathan. Wow! Am I a lovely person or what?! Rather than go through all of that, God simply said "No." And I am pretty okay with that. He knows what He is doing. He knows what is best for my life, my child's life, my family. Who better to put my trust in then the Almighty?

"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Psalm 39:7

On to number two!

I think it's funny how little you meditate on, dream about, and talk about pregnancies after your first. I think it has a lot to do with the newness not being the same, or the fact that you (or at least me) seem to be way to tired and busy to stop and really enjoy being pregnant. Ok, ok, I admitted it. I am one of those crazy ladies who actually enjoys being pregnant. Sure, the sickness isn't all that great, but all the same, there is a tender wonder in having a child growing inside you and I just love it.

At any rate, we've scheduled our ultrasound for the 29th. We naturally wanted to find out with Julia whether we were having a boy or girl. We thought it only natural so we could plan and choose names, etc. However, this time around Jonathan is wanting to wait. He has good reasons why (babe - you can post them in the comments if you want), but again I want to know. I feel like with Julia, it allowed me to form an attachment with her. We called her by her name, I sang her her song (Julia by The Beatles), and daydreamed about what it was going to be like to have a daughter.

What do you think? Should we find out? I set up a poll on the left hand side of the blog so you can give your opinion. Also, even if you think we should or shouldn't find out, what would you do (or have done)? Did you like (or would you like) knowing or not knowing?

What I wish I had know six months ago - A letter

Dear Sarah,

Right now the world is your oyster. Well, not really, but you feel like you've discovered some new amazing world-saving idea. Cloth diapers. Sure, they are great. There are some benefits that you will love. But let's face it, you need to know the cold hard truth. Who better to lay it out for you then you yourself. Older (only a little) and wiser (actually, that's debatable).

Here goes; When Julia starts pooping like a crazy woman, you will think cloth diapering is the stupidest thing ever. Seems hard to believe, because right now Julia's digestive system is as it's always been. This will change. And you will suffer the consequences. Thankfully you (or do I need to say "I"?) are stubborn as a mule, so despite daydreaming about stopping this insanity you will push forward. In fact, you will set your mind to clothing the need baby (which, I should for warn you, comes sooner than you think).

I know you have a pact with Jonathan that you two will not travel with cloth. But, you will. Rest assured, it will be easier than you think.

Always have a diaper handing when you go out. I cannot stress this enough.

Start buying all of Julia's pants for six months older than she actually needs. The truth is, your daughter will have a ghetto booty thanks to cloth. I suppose she should live it up, since this will never be the case again.

This coming winter will be lots of fun. Julia will really enjoy playing in the snow, however, be aware she doesn't like snow on her face. A word from the wise, layering in cloth = impossible. Don't even try it. You will get half way through bundling Julia up before you will need to strip her down to put on a disposable so that all her clothes actually fit over her bottom.

It's going to be an adventure. One that you will find yourself doing alone more than you know. Julia will get a couple of gnarly rashes, but you'll find a trick for preventing them. Oh, and it turns out, Jonathan can't really handle poopy cloth diapers. Who knew?

Love,
You

I've learned a lot this holiday season, just by going to the mall

1. That every person over the age of 60 goes to the mall in the middle of the day during the winter.

2. This makes it challenging to find parking when you want to go play at ICM.

3. There is a difference in Christian raised children and world raised children.

4. Julia will consume 6+ ounces of milk in the time it takes me to walk from Target to the play gym.

5. Always have more milk handy.

6. No matter how girlie I dress Julia, some old man always says "How old is he?"

7. Santa scares a lot of kids.

8. A lot of kids scare me.

9. Our economy isn't doing too bad if there was a line out the door at Panera, all the cash registers were packed at Target, and I didn't spot one person without a shopping bag.

10. I am grateful for a wonderful morning with my wonderful daughter.

I knew this day would come...

And while I am excited, part of me is sad too.

Julia is weaned.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I decided that I would wean Julia before the end of the year. Before I had planned to keep going for a while after her first birthday, but frankly I would like a little rest before the new baby takes over. So as of Saturday, Julia has been taking a bottle with whole milk and not nursing. Things have been good. She's taken well to the change, and so have I. In fact, Jonathan is putting her to bed tonight. Which I think is really, really sweet.

This whole nursing/weaning thing kinda makes me laugh. Especially when I think about this time last year. I absolutely HATED nursing. It was painful, long, and difficult. I had to wear a shield which made it challenging to ever nurse discreetly in public. I begged Jonathan to let me switch Julia over to a bottle. I begged Julia to switch. But deep down I knew that wasn't my heart's desire so I stuck with it. And from day one I counted down the days till she would wean. Eleven months, 2 weeks, and 3 days. Nine months, 1 week and 1 day. Etc. However, some where around 4 months I started to really enjoy our time together. I finally got rid of the shield and nursing seemed to change. Something I hated became something I loved. With this new love came the desire to nurse well past a year, maybe even closer to two.

Part of me is sad that this phase of our mother/daughter relationship has ended. It's a reminder that she is getting older and more independent. But at the same time it's exciting. Not only is this letting me explore other ways to bond with Julia, it makes me feel accomplished. I nursed my child! For a year! Whoa! Sure, sure, I know that WHO would tell me to go longer, but I am thrilled with where we made it and that I kept going despite set backs. Makes me feel like a good mama.

One really great thing: We started giving Julia a bottle to help her wean (I know people have their ideas about that, but it works for us). Anyways, the great thing is that with the bottle we seem to have even more cuddle time. Several times during the say (more than we ever nursed, which frankly was a lot!) Julia will come up with her bottle, sit in my lap and we cuddle. We read books, listen to music or rest together while we are cuddling. And it is a super feeling.

Joy abounding

I got an email from my friend, Alicia. She sent me the following blog post and I couldn't resist putting it up. Maybe it's because I read it and thought "Whoa, is this lady writing my life?". Really, it seems like you could merely change the gender of the child and you would have my life story from the past 12+ months.


I was shoving my breakfast into my mouth as quickly as possible. My very fussy newborn son, colicky and cranky, was becoming increasingly discontent in his bouncy seat. With my free hand, I grabbed my Recovery Bible to read a quick verse as his squirms and moans escalated. I decided James was as good a place as any to read, and came across these verses in the first chapter:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

At that point, two minutes into my not-so-quiet time, my son began screaming at the top of his lungs. I took that as his saying that he'd been disregarded long enough and wanted to be picked up. I looked down at my half-eaten breakfast, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

Great joy. What an appropriate passage for the current state of my life.

My son, then still a newborn, was high-need from the beginning. Anyone who has a high-need child knows exactly what I'm talking about. It's nearly impossible to accurately describe the "high-need" child unless you have one yourself or have experienced one at length. I'll give you a glimpse into what this looked like in our case.

He was never one of those babies that you could put down easily for a nap or a diaper change, or so you could try and get something done ... well, for any reason. In fact, he generally screamed at the very instant you attempted to lower him into a horizontal position.

Then, at 2 weeks old, he started screaming for no reason we could find. And he wouldn't stop. We eventually learned that he not only had a bad case of colic, but he also had acid reflux that required medication, and he was sensitive to many of the foods I was eating and consequently feeding him. So I went through the long and tedious process of eliminating all potentially irritating foods from my diet. We eventually figured out that dairy, soy, corn, wheat, nuts and most seeds all sent his system into screams of pain.

He was also a horrible sleeper. We tried every trick in the book to get him to sleep better: We tilted his mattress so the acid reflux wouldn't bother him as much. We swaddled him. We rocked him, we played music for him; we put the fan on while he was sleeping for background noise. We tried bedtime routines, reading books, everything short of letting him scream for hours.

I prayed and prayed that God would make him sleep better. I asked friends and family to pray with me. I read sleep books and scoured the Internet for any ideas on how to improve this situation, implementing all sorts of ideas that I thought might help, but my son refused to be wooed to sleep by any of these expert methods.

I eventually realized I should probably be praying that God would give me strength to deal with whatever my son needed. I didn't want to pray that! And the epistle of James was of no comfort. Being sleep-deprived and malnourished, I wasn't particularly interested in hearing about how this trial was producing endurance and perseverance in me, especially after nine months of it.

What made it worse was that in public, he was often a happy go-lucky baby. At church, everyone would exclaim, "What a good baby! What a happy baby!" I wanted to respond, "Well, you should come over to our house later this afternoon and stay for about eight hours." Though I held my tongue, in my heart I wanted everyone else to know how much I was suffering. I also grew bitter and resentful at those around me whom I felt weren't helping me as much as I deserved.

Maybe I expect my faith to come easily. Maybe I've bought into the lie that if I'm living for God, everything will be peaches and roses and happiness. And my friends can be like Job's friends: quick to criticize, assign blame and point the finger, but slow to offer help and encouragement.

There are definitely some things I'd do differently if I had to go through this again. I'd ask for more help. I'd reach out more. I'd read stories in the Bible that demonstrated God's faithfulness, as well as look back on my own life and remind myself of the times God has shown Himself true and strong in my life thus far. I'd pray more "Your will be done" prayers, rather than always just asking for God to change my circumstances.

As I write this, my son has recently turned 1 and still doesn't sleep through the night. In fact, it's a good night if he only wakes up once or twice. And I'm actually totally OK with that. When people ask me if he's sleeping through the night and I say no, they look at me as if I have three heads.

But coming from where I've been, one to two wakings a night is like a walk in the park. He now regularly takes his naps in a bed rather than on my lap or in a moving stroller. His temperament is a thousand times better, and I can tell he's getting enough sleep. He's now pretty easy-going at home and in public, and everyone still comments on how happy and well-behaved he is.

And I'm different. Sure, I still get frustrated. I still wish he slept better and wish I could put milk in my coffee and peanut butter on my gluten-free bread, but my attitude has changed. My prayers have changed. I now pray that God will give me pockets of time to spend with Him. I pray that I would have time to pray. I pray while out walking with my dog and my sleeping son in the stroller. I read the Bible and pray on my knees during those times when he does go down for a nap.

And I have some joy. Not all the time, and I certainly wouldn't categorize it as "great joy," but it's there. I'm definitely learning to be content despite, and in the midst of, this trial.

Trials test our faith. My faith has certainly been tested during the past year, as well as a few times before that, and I'm sure it will be again. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I asked lots of the typical questions, like why God allow our faith to be tested, and how God want us to respond to trials.

These verses in 1 Peter 1:6-7 answer both questions:

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold — though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

You know what my favorite parts of that passage are? The parts where it says there is "wonderful joy ahead" and that our trials will last "for a little while." This trial will not last forever. I can honestly look back at the various trials I've been through — struggling with my weight, my sexuality, my health — and praise God that He allowed me to come through those things. My faith is stronger for it.

James writes later on in his letter, "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Awesome.

Amy Carmichael, a missionary who cared for orphans in India for 55 years, said it best when she wrote, "In acceptance lieth peace." I've found in my life that acceptance is everything. When trials come, I tend to go into fight mode. As Paul prayed for God to take his thorn away, I cry out over and over for God to take my trials away. God has responded to me the same way He responded to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

So these days, while I still pray that God would do something supernatural in many of my circumstances, I also pray for the strength and patience to endure whatever He allows to come my way. I pray for joy, acceptance and contentment in everything I experience. I pray He would grow me to the point where I will truly consider my trials to be opportunities for joy.

This blog was written by Brenna Kate Simonds.

Julia Mabel

One year ago today I set out on a life changing course. I became the mother to a wonderful, beautiful daughter. Our first months together were rocky, actually, that might be an understatement. I had no clue how to feed, clean, change or care for this tiny life that expected everything from me. Then there was the crying. Endless crying. I mean, I can't totally blame a person for being upset when they have gas, especially when they have never actually used their internal organs. But still, crying babies aren't fun. I don't care who you are, they just aren't. It's a proven fact. And to top that off, if you've read any post on my blog you are all too familiar with our anti-sleep rules. Technically, they aren't Jonathan and mine's, but Julia's. So, roll together complete ignorance, complete dependance, raging hormones and emotions and you will get a new mother.

I can remember thinking that everyone around me seemed to "get it". All the other moms seemed to have their lives together, knowing beyond a doubt what each cry meant, what each grunt would or would not lead to. I felt like I had stepped into a final totally unprepared, with a sense of utter failure.

But God is good. Oh so good.

One year has past. I will never say that I am a perfect mom, but I will say that I am the best mom for Julia. I can read her almost better than I can myself. I know when she is tired, hungry, angry, happy, or frustrated. I understand her "signs" for more, food, and all done. I know that certain situations will delight her, while others upset her past consolation. I have become her mom.

Through this past year, learning who Julia is has not been my biggest feat. More than that, has been learning who God is through me. I am continually humbled and amazed at who God is, who He has called me to be, and how that relationship reflects on my parenting.

I always thought it silly when people said that God wants to be in control of every area of your life, every area of your parenting. But I have come to learn that it is so true. I can tell when I am in control and when the Holy Spirit is in control. I know the difference between Sarah-led Parenting and God-led Parenting. And in those moments I realize that there is no way I can make it without God. There is no way that I can produce a kingdom building, God loving, selfless daughter unless I am that way. And I can't be that way unless I center absolutely everything on Christ. Funny how that circle works.

My life is blessed. My daughter is a blessing beyond what I could imagine. She has been a true delight this past year and I am looking forward to many, many more.

In celebration today, we will be having poppyseed chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and chocolate cake. This is my birthday dinner each year and I am passing it along to Julia. :)

Potty training

More and more lately I have considered potty training Julia over the next 6+ months so as to have her out of diapers by the time Dubya Dos arrives. In all reality this is a long shot, but some part of me is hopeful that it could be done. And here's why... gory details and all.

A couple of weeks ago Julia was taking a bath. I was sitting next to the tub reading, when she stood up along the side to start interacting with me. I was still half reading, half playing when I realized she was acting a little, well, strained. Immediately I asked "Are you pooping?". Obviously, she gave no answer but a grunt was enough to confirm what I expected. I picked her up, sat her on the toilet where she did her business. A few days later, during a diaper change I caught her pre-poo and dashed off to the bathroom.

Then again tonight we had another random success. We allow Julia to have naked time sometimes after she's just had a diaper change. So tonight during NT I noticed that she was needing to using the bathroom. I sat her on the toilet and she did her thing. Pretty impressive for a 11 1/2 month old. At least I think so.

With these "victories" under my belt, I can't help but wonder if I could feasibly potty train a 1 year old. I've heard about elimination communication, but mostly viewed it with an upturned nose. Now I'm starting to reconsider my stance on EC and toying with the idea of having a few diaper free days, to assess the situation. Hmmm... This might require laying down some plastic all over the floors, or scheduling for Robert to come clean our carpets the following day! We'll see. I always have grandiose ideas that don't pan out exactly as I imagine, and this could just be one of those.

One of those days

You know when you have one of those days. A day where you are counting down the hours and minutes until you can crawl back into bed, white flag waving. Yesterday was one of those days.

Julia and I both are suffering from our first "winter" colds. Poor little girl (and poor mama!) woke up at 12:30 am because she couldn't breath through her nose, didn't go back to sleep till close to 1:30 and woke up for the day at 4:45 am. Not quite how I wanted to start my day.

But, in all things rejoice.

As a way to love and support me, Jonathan surprised me last night with:

a bag of M&M's
a hand written love note
a bouquet of flowers
and....


a roll of Christmas wrapping paper.

He's the best.

But I thought women loved shoes

Last winter and spring Julia never wore shoes. She was barely sitting up on her own, so I figured there was no need. Then the summer rolled around, she started crawling, pulling herself up, and walking with assistance. Still, I figured it was too hot to wear shoes (as I hardly even wore them) so we went shoeless.

Fall has fully arrived and with it comes the need for shoes. However, convincing Julia that she needs them seems to be a daunting task. Every time she wears her shoes she screams for a good few minutes, tugging at them, nearly begging for them to come off. Eventually she is distracted and doesn't seem as bothered by them, but without fail, she will at some point notice them and freak out yet again. Hmm... This was not an issue I foresaw when doing research on when to introduce shoes.

Tired, so very, very tired

We are finally working on Julia's last feeding time during the night. Which means that for the last couple of days, we've been waking up between 4:30-5:30, and dealing with lots of crying and very little sleep. Blerg. However, I am hopeful that we are near the end. That once we get through this last time we are at least on the up and up (hopefully, hopefully, hopefully!) and will be enjoying a few months of peaceful rest before the next babe arrives.

The funny part about it all, is that already Baby Dubya Dos is keeping me up. While, even as I type, my body is completely exhausted, I can't sleep. It seems that during the middle of the night, early in the morning and occasionally during the evening "morning" sickness sets in and keeps me so nauseated that I can't sleep. Total bummer. I try to nap as much as I can during the day, as I have found when I do I don't get as sick. But when that isn't possible night time sleeping seems a little more difficult.

Fletcher just made a Sprite run (ahh! I know it has HFCS, but I'm desperate!) in hopes that it will help settle my stomach. It's done a pretty good job, but I'm gonna need to find a better (and healthier) alternative for later.

Well, here's to trying to get some good sleep tonight!

Ah, how I have missed you, sweet sleep

If you remember, I posted some time ago about Julia and her lack of sleeping. By the end of August, we were waking up every two hours, each time resulting in me feeding her, as this seemed the only thing that would get any of us back into bed.

About 2 or 3 weeks ago (time escapes me), we went back to letting Julia cry - which mostly means that Jonathan and I went into the situation both agreeing on what/how/why we were training her. Oh boy. I have to say, I would rather deal with loads of dirty diapers, complete melt downs and just about anything more than crying it out at 2 in the morning. Ugh. Anyways, since Julia was waking up so frequently, we thought we should tackle the first wake up time and then over the course of a few weeks tackle the others.

The first night had everyone up for a good 2 1/2 hours. But, eventually she did manage to fall asleep without being nursed. And granted she woke up like 2 hours later, at least the first session was over. Each night for about a week went pretty much the same, with the crying becoming a little less each time (a little, meaning only an hour and a half). Once we felt we had finally tackled the first wake up time - as Julia was finally not waking up at that time - we decided to start the second one. But of course, she got sick. So everything we had slaved for flew out the window. Bummer. Thankfully, however, once we were back on track, she seemed to either sleep well past her first wake up time, or is easily consoled back to sleep.

She is still waking up twice a night to nurse, around 2 and again at 5. I had set out last weekend to help train her out of the 2ish wake up time, but then realizing that since we are going to Tennessee this weekend, everything will get thrown out of whack, I didn't want to waste my time (or sleep). Once we get back, I fully plan on getting her down to just waking up at 5ish, and then try to break her of that one before she turns 1. Ha! With that last sentence, I am reminded of Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

The other day I realized that I haven't had a full night's sleep in a year and a half. From the time I got pregnant, I would wake up needing to use the bathroom and then couldn't fall back asleep because I was too nauseated. Then, obviously, once Julia arrived, she kept me up. I look forward to the day that I can sleep 8 hours straight. Part of me thinks this is wishful thinking, especially if I have any more children. But one can wish can't they?

Fifty millions posts rolled into one...

Not really, I tend to exaggerate sometimes. All the same, I haven't had much time to write lately, so rather than trying to remember several ideas for different posts I'd just much rather write one.

My husband

Jonathan turns 30 in t-minus 4 hours. He is spending his last few moments as a "20-something" sleeping, since he was on Julia duty from 2-4 last night. Ah, what a way to ring in such a momentous birthday. In all seriousness, I just want to announce to the blogging world that Jonathan pretty much rocks. I fully understand that my love for him is different than anyone else's, but still, in case you were wondering, I think he's pretty much amazing. Happy birthday Jonny.*

Mexican Mamacita

I feel that I am fully on my way to becoming a bona fide mamacita. This is something that I have wanted to achieve for quite some time. While I have been able to piece together bits of mamacita likeness, I have not quite captured the mamacita cooking. However, spending the last two weeks with the Mamacita of all mamacitas (Jonathan's grandma) has helped finally (in my opinion) push me over the edge. I've learned how to cook a gauntlet of dishes that would win me much praise among the Hispanics in Texas. My favorite of them has been, drum roll please, Tortillas! I now know how to make flour tortillas from scratch. Even made some tonight! I'm perfecting my technique, but once I feel satisfied with my performance I do promise to teach anyone who wants to learn.

Stuff that piggy

As always, we are still on the quest for helping Julia sleep through the night. Seeing as crying it out didn't favor to well, we're trying a sweeter, more hands on approach. We are stuffing her face like a piggy.

I've started to see a pattern in her morning naps. If she is well feed and has spent an adequate amount of time in the mei tai then she tends to sleep really well (like, say 2 1/2 hours that she did today). So we figured we'd try it out. I carried her for about an hour tonight, then we feed her all the oatmeal and prunes she could handle (1/4 cup dry oatmeal and a 4 oz jar of prunes - not sure how much that makes, as the oatmeal expands when it is wet). Here's to hoping we found something that might work!

How to be green in an ungreen world

Let's face it, Texans aren't known for being green. Unless you live in Austin, your idea of green is... well I was going to say grass, but seeing as it's August that doesn't really exist anywhere in Texas. Needless to say, green isn't the "thing" to do. But, since my sister, Shelly, has voiced her desire to be a little more green, I thought I'd share some ideas for going green in a covert way (like how I used covert, Shelly? That's just for Jesse).

1. Change your cleaning products. No one will really notice this but you, so they can't look at you all funny with their big Dallas hair and say "Well, hun, you sure has changed since you been gone" (said in the best Southern drawl I can manage).

2. Plant a garden. This would be a terrific way to teach Katie and Madeline about their food source and allow them to have a sense of pride when they eat their harvest. I know, I know, it seems like a lot of work, so do something easy. Do a tomato plant or two, and some peppers. Then when you harvest, you can make salsa!

3. Walk more often. In TEXAS?! Yeah, I remember how hot it is. But still, walking not only is a health benefit, it saves on gas. So walk as much as you can. You can even make it a family affair in the evenings after dinner, when it's a bit cooler.

4. Plug your computer/tv into power strips that you turn off after every use. Even when electronics are "off" they stil use energy. However, if you essentially "unplug" them (reason for the strip) then they stop using up energy. This is also important for kitchen appliances, just maybe not your fridge.

5. Recycle and reuse. This might be a little more obvious, since the neighbors will see your recycling bin each week, but it's a great idea. It teaches you to be more aware of the items in your house that are recyclable, it will allow the girls to use their imaginations to reuse items, and it will cut back on your trash every week.

So, those are my ideas for going green in Texas. Hope the neighbors don't kick you out of the association!

*Here's a little ditty for my honey:


Lyrics | Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You lyrics

One! Uno! Eins! Un! Um! I love the number 1!

Why, oh why, would I love the number one?

I am one pound away from my pre-Julia weight!!!

Rock and roll, baby!

Man, this makes me feel like doing a victory dance. Or maybe I should do a victory run?!

Completely (and totally) unsure; completely (and totally) reliant

I think one of the funniest things about parenting is that everything, literally everything, is trial and error. And perhaps by funny what I really mean is, so exhausting that you eventual give up and laugh (notice my time stamp).

Somewhere in the ballpark of 4 months of age, we realized that Julia really, really needed to just cry herself to sleep. I'm pretty certain Jonathan realized this long before I did, but at some point we both looked at each other through sleep deprived eyes and said "It's go time". Here's what I really love about this whole process: Julia seems to take way longer than what I think is humanly possible to catch on to the idea of sleeping. Like, really, isn't sleep natural? Shouldn't a baby just want to sleep? I honestly think she came out of the womb thinking "Mom? Dad? What is this thing you guys are wanting me to do? You seriously expect me to quite down, shut my eyes and sleep? Hmm. No."

From the get go, sleep and Julia seem to have been a struggle (she gets that from her dad, seeing as I can fall asleep just about anywhere and anytime). So, like I said, somewhere around 4 months old we started letting her cry at night. First night she cried from 11pm to 6 am. Ok, does that seem slightly over the top to anyone else? I mean, come on little girl. At some point I really thought she'd give up. But she never did. Impressive!

After some serious tears shed during the day (we had stopped swaddling her at night, but continued to during the day; this made for lots of crying at night and lots of heavy sleeping during the day - like around 6+ hours), Julia finally started sleeping at night. Beautiful!

Then about a month after that, we regressed to waking up twice a night. I blamed it on a growth spurt. Well, if that is what it is, my daughter should be Yao Ming by now! So we went back to crying it out. This time around I didn't feel quite so bad. I figured she'd reached the age where she was mentally/emotionally capable of self-soothing (which happens around 6 months), so a little crying wouldn't hurt.

We're nearly three months into this next crying it out stage. Julia still hasn't grasped that night time is for sleep time, and so we've thrown our hands in the air. Sometime last week (or maybe the week before that... time seems to start to blur) Jonathan and I decided that for the sake of everyone we'd stop CIO. While this means that I'm still waking up nightly (ranging from 1-3 times on average) with Julia, we all at least get to go back to sleep fairly quickly. Unlike with CIO, which lasted 2-5 hours. Each night (well, 5 out of 7). For three months.

But, tonight Julia threw me a curve ball. She woke up around 1am. We nursed, I put her back down, and she starts crying. Sweet. So, I figured she'd really just have to deal with life and go back to bed. I gave her a set time to cry (mentally I did this, I didn't actually say "Ok, Julia, you can cry until such and such time before I come back in here"). But seeing as I can't actually sleep when she's fussy I decided to get on the laptop to pass the time. Fortunately for her, the time was pretty quick. Unfortunately for me, I can't seem to fall back to sleep.

Needless to say, I've come to realize that parenthood really is about having absolutely no clue what you are doing and just really hoping to stumble upon the right answer. For this kid. Since everything changes for the next one. And in the moments that I realize this, it makes me bow my knee before God, pray for wisdom, grace, patience and love abounding, because I know that I am completely clueless and totally reliant upon Him.

Grace and coffee are my two best friends

It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog. It's been a hard day's night and I should be sleeping like a log.

Last night Julia woke up right as I was falling asleep (somewhere in the ballpark of 11pm). After that I struggled for the next two hours to go back to sleep. It was rough. Being the gracious husband that he is, Jonathan got up and stroked my hair until I could unwind enough to fall back asleep. Then Julia woke up about two hours later for her normal nighttime feeding and for the day at like God-awful-six. So, I'm running off of about 5 hours of sleep (or make that 4 1/2).

But God is gracious. He provides continually, giving me strength to mother/wife/sister/friend when I feel zapped. And to top if off, He provides the $1.75 for a large Capanna Full City coffee (with extra Raw Suger and a dash of cinnamon).

Today is going to be a good day. Thanks to lots grace and tasty coffee!

Did you hear that?

That is the silence of a sleeping child.

Julia has been F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G! her naps for the last, um I don't know, ever. But really so this last week.

But as of right now she is out.

And that makes this mama really happy.

Silence is golden.

If they made fortune cookies just for moms...

While Julia is napping, I thought I'd share some funnies from the latest Parenting Magazine: "If they made fortune cookies just for moms..."

- You will travel over the ocean, and your 3-year-old will use the airplane bathroom 26 times.

- Now is the time to be daring. Take your toddler to the park without a diaper bag.

- You enjoy nourishing your loved ones, but if the peas touch the meat loaf, you can forget it.

- Elegance and grace are your trademark in dress. Also baby spitup.

- Your love life will be happy and harmonious, especially if you remember to lock the bedroom door.

- You will soon find a long-lost treasure, and you will decide to check under the couch cushions more often.

- New friends will come into your life, and they will ask you to run the spring fund-raiser.

- People are entranced by your voice - at least those listening to you read Runaway Bunny for the thousandth time.

- You have a keen mind and an enviable intellect, expect when it comes to third-grade math homework.

- A handsome man has his eye on you - and he's wondering when you're going to make his macaroni and cheese.

How is cloth going.... really.... I mean, how is it going?

This what my friend, Leah, asked me today. That, my dear readers is a loaded question, and one that I, in fact, asked myself this morning.

So, how is cloth going...

I've come to this one simple conclusion, if you are going to do cloth with your babe (or babes) you have to really, REALLY want to do cloth. It has to be something that you are willing to put in a little extra time and effort. Plus, it helps if you can deal with a little poo. See, me, I have a very high tolerance for all things gross. Blood, vomit, pee, poo, nasty, nasty trash. Low gag reflex, high tolerance. However, if you are like, say, Jonathan, who gags thinking about gross things, then dealing with poo cloth diapers are not for you.

We are still using disposables when Julia sleeps at night (for mere ease and not worrying that she'll wake herself because of being wet) and plan to use them when we travel - as I don't really see cleaning a cloth diaper in the hotel room at Faithwalkers or at my mom's house!

Alright, now to answer the question that I know everyone is thinking. Just how do you "dispose" of the poo?

Step by step: I change Julia, putting the poo diaper on the edge of her diaper hamper. Once she is taken care of, I take the poo diaper to the bathroom and dunk it in the toilet. Using the parts of the none poo areas, I clean the diaper as best as I can. I rinse out the excess water and drop it into her diaper hamper. After which I wash my hands. ***Now, I will say that I do use my elbows for a lot of things during this process as not to touch anything - like the faucet or toilet handle - with my hands until after they are thoroughly washed (I've become even more obsessive about washing my hands since this new diapering adventure!).***

I haven't had to soak any of the poo diapers and they haven't stained, even after sitting in the diaper hamper for two or three days (they don't stay longer than that because I have to wash the diapers every 2-3 days to maintain our supply).

There have been a few minor draw backs in my mind.

First, I never really know when Julia is wet because I can't feel her diaper like I could with disposables. And I really think she needs to be changed at least every hour, hour and a half at the max. More than that and the diaper doesn't absorb like it should. Of course, I could use a doubler/liner but don't.

Second, it did take Julia about a week to adjust to cloth from disposables. She is more aware now when she is wet than she did before. This made for some crying whenever we were out shopping and she peed. She's gotten use to it, and we've even gotten to where she'll wear them for nap time. On the flip side, the good thing about her heightened awareness is that it'll hopefully help her potty train sooner.

Third, is that cloth is a LOT bulkier. This makes for some snug fitting pants, which is a little more annoying since Julia seems to have issues with shorts/bloomers being to tight in her legs, now they are too tight in the bum too.

Ultimately, I am glad we made the switch. I really do love the idea of cloth diapering, I love the look of the wraps, and I really think they are going to be better for everyone (Julia, me, Jonathan, the planet) in the long run. I think that if there is ever a Baby Dubya 2, we will start from the beginning using cloth - hopefully even using them at night but having disposables for ease of traveling. Using them from the beginning will help alleviate any transition period for the babe and will just, in my opinion, be easier in the end. Plus, when the poo diapers are solely breastfed poo, then you can wash them without rinsing them out first. Which is one less step to deal with and makes things easier! And, as my engineering minded husband points out, the money saved is unbeatable. Jonathan figured that we've spent at least $400+ on disposables so far that we can never get back. If that is in, say, 8 months time, then you're looking at roughly $600 a year, or $1200-1500+ for two or more years. Our start up cost for cloth was less than $200, and the on going cost for Julia is sure to be less than another $200. Yet, like I said before, you have to really, REALLY want to do cloth, otherwise I think you'll be far more likely to stop and switch to disposables.

I hope that helps answer any questions for you curious minded people. If not, ask away and I can provide any answer, sparing no poopie detail! :)

Monkey see, monkey do

A lot has changed in me since I had Julia. The way I think and act are all being affected by the idea that this little person is watching me and making her opinions on the world based on my actions. Whoa, that in of itself is a lot to take in, but we aren't going that deep.

Anyways, I really, really, really don't like mushrooms. Like really. And I am of the opinion that since I have given them a try several times and each time have disliked them, then I am free to continue disliking them forever.

But then about 4 months ago the thought hit me that if I don't like mushrooms, Julia most likely won't like mushrooms. You know, monkey see, monkey do. If it's good enough for mama, it's good enough for me. So I set out to start eating mushrooms. Now, I'm not going for full out enjoyment of mushrooms, but rather not picking them out of food. **Disclaimer - Because my mama raised me as a good Southern girl, never, ever in my life have I actually picked out mushrooms when I was served them at someone else's house. That is a major no-no. Just wanted to throw that in there in case mom is reading this!**

Twice now I have cooked with mushrooms. First time I made spaghetti with the canned mushrooms. Bad idea. Very bad. Seeing as my whole complaint is that mushrooms are slimy and rubbery, the last way I want them is soaked in a gross juice to make them even more slimy and nasty. Needless to say, I gagged through most of the meal. And truth be told I did pick out most of them to pass along to Jonathan.

However, I attempted using them yet again tonight when I made veggie pizza. This time I got fresh mushrooms. The recipe called for steaming all the veggies, but I thought "Hmmm... that would make the mushrooms slimy, so let's not do that." Instead, I just cut them up and added them along side the onions. And you know what, I ate all of them!

Sometimes I can trick myself into not thinking about what I am eating and just down it and move on (again, those good Southern graces), but tonight I consciously thought "That is a mushroom and I am going to eat it." Perhaps it helped that they were smothered in cheese, sauce and along side my favorite veggies. But all the same, I am paving a path for my mushroom eating ways.

Next food to conquer: coconut.